Sunday, March 28, 2010


I had a great day yesterday! In the morning, my boyfriend and I made breakfast, then saw an apartment, went grocery shopping with his mom, went out to lunch, test-drove a car (that I am definitely not going to buy), saw another potential place to live next year, walked around the mall, then made a delicious dinner of steak, mashed potatoes and corn muffins, and ate ice cream while watching Indepencence Day, which I have never seen all the way through before.

One of the best parts of yesterday was the way my boyfriend and I talked about what we were really looking for in a place to live--and it turns out that we have very different desires. The most important factors (for me) in finding a place to live are that I am close to friends, within walking distance of downtown, and near people. My boyfriend prefers living in a more remote area and it doesn't matter to him how close we live to downtown. His opinion was really frustrating me because I didn't get why he didn't understand why these things were so important to me. Finally, I realized that he didn't understand because I hadn't really told him!

We talked through why I wanted to be near town--because I currently don't have a car and if I can't walk to town, I am essentially stuck in the house/apartment all day, and my job options are limited--why I want to be near people and why I want to be near my friends. Once I told him why I wanted what I wanted, he talked about what he wanted, and we were able to agree on which apartment was the best option for us. I'm proud because I got myself out of the drama (of being a victim to why he didn't understand what I wanted) and moved to a responsible space. I decided on the things I was not willing to compromise on and the things I was willing to let go of, and when I took the lead into responsibility, he followed.

The biggest win is that I wasn't alone in the conversation--my fear of "being the responsible one" is that I will be the only one, but when I chose responsibility over drama and victimhood, my boyfriend followed. I didn't feel like I had to carry the relationship and not lose my head--by having him on the same team, we got onto the same side.

Learning lots,

1 comment: